And what if happiness was first a question of self-respect ? This is what affirms writer, philosopher and founder of the Western school of méditation, Fabrice Midal, in his book Sauvez votre peau! Devenez narcissique. Far from being self-centered or filled with vanity, the narcissict is for him the one who recognizes himself as a living being worthy of interest. Are you ready to look at yourself in the mirror?
1)Stop giving yourself a hard time: to be in the spotlight, enhance yourself !
Based on the principle that most people mistreat themselves on their own, the philosopher offers to try and look at the we treat ourselves. Do you tend to insult yourself internally when you make a mistake? If you have forgotten your umbrella when it’s raining to you consider yourself an idiot ? If you have not saved a file before closing your computer, do you consider yourself as incapable? Then ask yourself how you react when others make the same kind of mistakes: your girlfriend forgets to bring back the jacket you lent her, do you tell her she’s an idiot? Most probably not. Why be so indulgent with others and not with yourself? Fabrice Midal explains that fear and humiliations are counter-productive, and that harassment, when it repeats itself and lasts in time, can even produce emotional and cognitive perturbations.
Well this is exactly the same process that occurs when you auto-harass yourself. The solution? Force yourself, every day, to be easier on yourself. Ask yourself how you would react if your spouse or your kids made the same mini mistakes, and treat yourself the same way. Very quickly, you will notice that an increased serenity will invite itself in your daily life.
2) Forgive yourself for being imperfect: to be serene, have self-confidence!
You know the saying, nobody is perfect… Not even Beyoncé! Rather than rehash your faults and waste time trying to erase your imperfections, learn to trust yourself. We like others for what they are, as they are. Why can’t you manage to accept yourself as you are? Why continue comparing yourself with models that, by definition, are not you ? You seem to never be able to run thirty minutes in the morning before going to the office? You did not manage to « prepare in ten minutes » a cocktail party for 15 persons? So what ? If you feel deeply guilty for being imperfect, it’s because you don’t believe in yourself and you never forgive yourself. So to forgive yourself and feel at peace, Fabrice Midal suggests trying to understand why your reality, in contrast with your way of life, scares you. You did not go to a family dinner? Because you did not feel like it and you are a little selfish. Once this is established, inside of drowning in regrets, draw lessons to grow rather than cry in your corner and lament yourself on your own fate. You need appeasement in order to move ahead.
Don’t forget that your imperfections are mostly the sign of your humanity! Good news, no?
3) Take care of yourself: to adore yourself, stay coquettish!
Because self-confidence is often based on the image the mirror sends back, don’t forget to say coquettish! A nice shower after a busy day, healthy foods, a massage from time to time, a pleasant image in front of the mirror: be narcissistic by pampering your body to feel better (and not to impress others). The writer affirms that taking care of yourself is a way of nourishing the life inside you. Because far from being just a spirit or a body, you are a unity that includes both at the same time, which means that when you neglect one or the other, you « mistreat » the human inside you! Get rid of diktats imposed by society that treat as vain those who take pleasure in taking care of themselves. Don’t be scared to like yourself and to look like yourself, because it’s by reconciling with yourself that you will impress others. You will see, it works !
Sauvez votre peau, devenez narcissique by Fabrice Midal (Flammarion), €17.90