We could not put down La femme parfaite est une connasse. 5 years later, comedian Anne-Sophie Girarddoes it again and signs with her twin sister, Marie-Aldine, the logical suite. In bookstores on the 31st of October, L’homme parfait est une connasse is a small survival guide to understand men better.
Originally from Montpellier, spotted in 2012 for her role in Jamel Comedy Club, this tall blond and solar twig is also presenting her second hilarious one-woman show at the Théâtre des Mathurins. The gal, who we dream of as a best friend, shares her advice to try and manage sentimental relationships. Dates, narcissistic perverts and much too perfect ex’s… Just like happy hour, now it’s gossip time. Xoxo.
Keeping the mystery or showing a little: on Tinder, which photos of us should we show?
Guys post a lot of photos of themselves on a surfboard or wakeboard. After some inquiring, I learned that one girl out of two shows herself with horse, and many in bathing suits! Personally, I am all for amusing photos that look like us, so as not to scare people.
First date: how should we dress?
Mainly, don’t overdo it. Sometimes overdoing it leads to the famous effect: “Being as comfortable as a sequin dress on a barbecue”. Then, forbid yourself from choosing a new outfit that evening. Now is not the moment to take risks.
We are aiming for a sure value, something in which we feel good and looks like us. No need to disguise ourselves. Stay as you are! Except if you are a psychopath wacko…
You make the distinction between the two. One year after #metoo, do you think the frontier between pickup and harassment has tightened?
Our daily life has not really changed? We’ve been living this way for years, so we are not going to start feeling on alert now—we’re in the habit. Speaking out more freely is normal, but it’s men who see us as paranoid gals. They say to themselves “Oh my, since #metoo, I dare not say anything” – obviously it’s dorks who think this way.
But I have never heard a girl say to me: “#metoo I feel aggressed all over!” They just realized that they were not the only ones who lived this and what they thought was a habit, was not normal. Only one rule: it you ask yourself the question, it’s not just flirting.
Friendzone: feminine name. Anglicism designing a zone of friendship where a person desires to have a loving or sexual relationship with another, who only wants to have a friendly relationship.
Example:“I think it’s better if we stay friends.”
Variation: to be friendzoned.
You say it’s impossible to come out of the “friendzone”. Is it an exact science?
We are ready to receive testimonies from people who managed to handle the situation! Because I think that when everything is over, it’s over. In fact, maybe we like the guy simply because he put us in the friendzone. Continuing to try is a waste of energy.
Regarding a slippery friendship, can you stay friends if you slept together?
Yes, I think so! We went to the bottom of the issue (savour the image), and got rid of a sexual tension. Sometime there are doubts, and we ask ourselves questions such as: “And if it were HIM, who was next door from the very start”.
How do you recognize a jerk?
If only we knew! The problem is that you always realize it too late. But let’s try to pinpoint certain obvious signs—almost blinking lights in certain cases. But in general, if you have a doubt, it’s because the guy is a jerk. And also it’s best to listen to what the gals have to say!
“When we are unhappy, we have the unfortunate tendency of wanting it to be known.” Why this need?
When I was a little girl, I used to look at myself in the mirror! I find it fascinating to watch sadness. But it’s not exclusively feminine! Look at kids. When a child is sad, he starts whimpering. But if you walk in the room at that time, he begins to scream! He wants to share his pain. There is something animal and childish, that we have kept, maybe more than men. We like to perform.
“The perfect ex is a stupid bitch.” So, to stop focusing on the subject, would it not be better to know as little as possible about your boyfriend’s ex?
The ex is always a stupid bitch, but we are all the ex of someone! So, it really depends if you are the type to worry. Some need to know everything, because what they imagine is naturally worse. I suggest not trying to find out too much and sticking to the idea that the ex is a witch. It’s even worse finding out she was someone nice.
Your “perfect man” resembles a mix between Rambo and adventurer Mike Horn… What about Hugh Grant in all that?
Hugh Grant, is really “Our kind of guy!” But the perfect man,who knows how to do everything, fascinates me. I know one who actually built his own house, we all look up to him as though he were a super hero. My ex had managed to hook up a small pharmaceutical armoire with a nail. He said to me: “See, I’m the one who did it!” Well, already you are supposed to really be admiring. But then he adds: “However, you cannot touch it.” Great!
Thus, I am in admiration of super heroes, because we are not used to seeing any. It’s always my BFF’s guy who comes to tinker around the house for me. The others are useless, but we love them. In the end, they are much funnier and endearing.
L’homme parfait est une connasse by Anne-Sophie Girard and Marie-Aldine Girard, published by Flammarion, €12. In bookshops on the 31st of October 2018.
At the Théâtre des Mathurins from Wednesday to Saturday at 9pm. Single rate €26.